Jan. 20th 1903, 3P.M.
My Sweet Yum-Yum
This is Swamiji's birthday and I am determined to write to you. The morning has been all worship. And for the last hour I have resting. Tomorrow morning I leave for Calcutta, and shall be so very glad to get home. Swami Saradananda is magnificent. "The idea" has grown now into a great new culture. I seem to be realising every one of Swamiji's opinions over again, and feel myself able to make the 10000 Vivekanandas of whom He was always talking. For just as He could understand and make Ramakrishnas, so I can see, in Him the things He Himself could not. Well Sadananda is just absorbing it all. He talks now of "principles instead of persons", and talks a la Geddes far better than Gedds himself. But above all he does not know what fear means. The Intelligence Department may enquire their own heads off-he is never distrubed-but gives me the signal for "a stirring lecture this time ending with 'the Invincible',"as serenely as ever!! Is this not splendid?
Bit we are going to lunch out. I am going to take a small house in Bagh Bazaar at 12 to 15 rupees a month, to fill with boys, whom I must train. I shall try to keep expenses down, but they grow-and the Power The Created Swamiji must find me money. What do you say? I am bubbling over with the thing-while it is fresh - in these next two years. I must GIVE. I find that sadananda and I are in a peculiar sense His disciples. Most of the boys we considered His were called by Ramakrishnananda and took their mantras from the Holy Mother. He only called Sadananda-myself -Swarup-Motilall(At almora) and Chinna Swami(the little one here): Why did He not take more?He could have made hundreds. He felt lack of means in the last years, says Sadananda, and growing unable to give Himslef, dreaded to get the name of begging monk-Bengali-like and with Bengali untrustworthiness. So you see we have here a new instance of Swami's curiously passive attitude to life. You will see that of the 5 He called, none was so much with Him as S.[Sadananda] and myself. This fact has given me a new confidence-and Sadananda urges me to fulfil His ideal of a Math by creating what is in effect a new one of a new type. My object will be to keep a set of boys 6 months and send them out for 6 months travel. Again 6 months of study, and so on. Of course when money ends the house can close. But Sadananda shudders at the word.
To Be Continued....