Attached - Detached

On 18 August 1886, Holy Mother, accompanied by Golap-ma, Lakshmi, and Latu, paid a visit to Dakshineswar. They returned to Cossipore the same evening.

Difficulties soon arose. How would the Cossipore garden house be maintained? What should be done with the Master's ashes? Many years later Holy Mother said to a disciple that she always looked upon the Master as Mother Kali.

Narendra and the other young disciples wanted to keep the house, but Ram Datta and some other householder diesciples, who were bearing the experie disagreed. They decided that Holy Mother should move elsewhere, the young disciples should return to their respective homes, and the Master's ashes should be installed at Ram Datta's Kankurgachi garden house The young disciples were helpless Narendra tried to keep Holy Mother at Cossipore for a few days longer, so that she could recover somewhat from her griet, but he was unable to do so. As some of the monastic disciples did not want to give all of the Master's relics to Ram Datta, they put large portion of them into another urn so that they could worship the Master on their own. As this squabble was going on between the young disciples and the householders, Holy Mother said to Golap-ma with a long sigh: "Such a golden person has left us, and now, Golap, they are quarrelling over his ashes!"

The young disciples had no money to buy or rent a house for Holy Mother, so that she could live near the devotees of the Master But Balaram's home was always open to Holy Mother and the disciples of Ramakrishna. He was truly a blessed soul and all the members of his family were great devotees of the Master On Saturday, 21 August 1886, Balaram invited Holy Mother to stay in his Calcutta home. Holy Mother must have gone upstairs for one last time and bowed down to the Master's relics that were kept on his bed before she took her bundle of clothes and climbed into the carriage that Balaram had sent for her that evening. As the carriage neared the garden gate, however, the gatekeeper stopped the driver and demanded the unpaid rent. Narendra was terribly embarrassed and somehow had her released."

Holy Mother later described her mental condition at this time: "The Master's passing away was unbearable for me. I constantly asked myself. 'Such a golden man has left. Why then should I stay in this world?" Life became tasteless and meaningless for me, and I had no desire to talk to anyone.... The Master then appeared to me and said: 'No, you shouldn't leave the world. Please stay. You have many things to do. Balaram decided to send Holy Mother on a pilgrimage to give her some peace.

After few months temple authorities also discontinued her pension of seven rupee per month. She remarked "They have stopped my pension. It is alright. Such a golden Master has gone. What would I do with money? 

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