Sunday, 4 February 2018

Letter to Miss J Macleod

यतो धर्म: ततो जय:

Wednesday, July 5th [1899]
2 OR 3 Day From Aden,
Monsoon Slightly Abated

My dearest Yum,

.....................

I looked at the intoxicated eyes of the prostate God, and I saw how they did indeed meet Hers, as Sadananda had said - and then I saw how She was Siva's Vision of the Mother. Only Siva would have courage to see the Divine in such a guise, only Siva could look with that rapture, though Her feet are, trampling on Himself. Do you see how clear this makes it all?

It was amusing to find that yesterday was the fourth, and that once more we were in the company of Americans. The missionary-family all appeared in my Editions of the Stars and Stripes!

I am sure there will be letters from you at Aden - sent on from Calcutta. And more, Saradananda promised me to send the telegrams to you and ETS. So you know where we are now, and appoximately follow our doing from day to day. Perheps at Marseilles we shall have a real letter.

I ought to tell you about Colombo. With great delay and difficulty we got off the boat after midday, and went from one hospitality to another. Last of all, driving down to the quay, we had to enter a house where we were met out side by drums fifes and tomtoms. Inside a dense crowd, adn fruit on a table. Oh what a crowd! And how they looked at Swami! Black and naked almost - Shining - and and the heat - but I could have done anything for anyone of them - for the way they looked. He pointed to his European clothes but it made no difference. He was their Avatar just the same. Then he took a small fruit, and sipped milk (remembering even then, to make me sip from the same glass) which was evidently to be left as ucchistham. And then as he turned to go - you should have heard the shout - "Praise to Siva! - the Lord of Parbutty! Hail!" it was deafening, and the crowd in the street when we got out! - and the crowd on the leading stage -there came our first host and hostes back to see us off - with enless presents, the hostess, Lady Coomaraswamy, was an Englishwomen - her husband a Madrassi Hindu - such a fine man! And there that quiet Europeanised looking memeber of the Goverment stood - and 3 times called aloud the praise of Siva, and then 3 times "Swami Vivekananda ki - namaskar!" While the crowd cheered, and we steamed away to the Golconda. And when we got on board and had been wlcomed back by the others, I went down to my cabin and found a puja-spot still on my forehead, to my great amusement.

Lady C. promised me that if I found the person and made the plans I could come to them for help in starting a school in Ceylon for Hindu girls. Did I tell you that I am now clear as to our having 4 school, Calcutta, Madras, Poone and Jaffna in Ceylon? However, time enough.

And now my darling Yum goodbye. I think of you every day and remember that but for you I should not have been here. My love to all and especially of course to S. sara -

Your "Child"
Margot

http://www.sisternivedita.org

--
हमें कर्म की प्रतिष्ठा बढ़ानी होंगी। कर्म देवो भव: यह आज हमारा जीवन-सूत्र बनना चाहिए। - भगिनी निवेदिता {पथ और पाथेय : पृ. क्र.१९ }
Sister Nivedita 150th Birth Anniversary : http://www.sisternivedita.org
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Saturday, 3 February 2018

Letter to Miss J Macleod

यतो धर्म: ततो जय:

Wednesday, July 5th [1899]
2 OR 3 Day From Aden,
Monsoon Slightly Abated

My dearest Yum,

This heavenly voyage has been somewhat trying physically ever since we left Colombo, a week ago. The weather has been terrific though nothing I suppose to what it might be, and now if we are very lucky we shall reach Aden on Friday, or at worst probably Saturday. The King is looking magnificent and sleeping well. He has almost stopped smoking and drinking iced water - is deep in the Imperial Gazette - and is of course impatient to be at the next place. The rolling and pitching do not seem to cause him the least sufferings, but rather to do him good. He said to me this morning "I threw the load down so completely!"

But in spite of discomfort there have been hours so glorious that one would go through 50 monsoon for them. Sometimes it is Rajputana or an Indian story that starts him off, but oftener now he talks to me of the future and the work. The olf indifference is dropping off, and he lets me feel that something depends on me, that he looks to me for certain powers and so on. But these things I shall tell you when we meet. And always that claim of which I told you in my last letter deepens and extends - "I am Kali's child in some special sense" - and i never try to tell him what I hold to be the truth - what I see now like daylight -"Not child at all - but Siva - Consort and Spouse!"

One sweet thing I am sure I may write - The trust-deep has not been signed - at the last it was a question of doing it on our way to the ship. This worried him, and he would not, and yesterday he told me that he had taken it as the protection of the Mother, as if she would say. "The men are not yet here to whom all this must be handed over. You must keep the responsibility yet a little while." Oh how he wants great strong men for disciples!" Give me men! Give me men!" he has said over and over again. "You know I have never wanted money or power or anything but persons. Them I must have."

I have a new feeling about Kali. It came to me that last day in Calcutta, as I sat with the King beside a Kali image that I had just refused to bring away.

I looked at the intoxicated eyes of the prostate God, and I saw how they did indeed meet Hers, as Sadananda had said - and then I saw how She was Siva's Vision of the Mother. Only Siva would have courage to see the Divine in such a guise, only Siva could look with that rapture, though Her feet are, trampling on Himself. Do you see how clear this makes it all?

To be continued

http://www.sisternivedita.org

Friday, 2 February 2018

Letter to Miss J Macleod

यतो धर्म: ततो जय:

To Miss J. Macleod

In the Suez Canal
Saturday evening, July 15 [1899]

My sweet Yum,

I have found a new name for your – Dear Lady Lakshmi – do you see what it means ?

You are so great and generous that I know you will suck no personal bitter out of what I am going to say – and will realise that whatever feeling it proceed from, it at least breaths nothing but love (and infinite gratitude) for you and S. sara. I am sure you will know without my saying it that to my inner consciousness I have only shown the power to perform one single renunciation – the willingness to become dependent upon others. I am sure – I know – that you two at least have always understood that this was not easy – in itself – to me.

It it should ever happen – as is ofcourse entirely unlikely -that I should die before you and Swami I would b glad that he should hear from you that you understood this, and that I had asked you about it the day we went through the Suez Canal.

But a more practical point calls me to letter-writing.

I am anxious, if I go to America at all, to go first and foremost, on swami's WORK to perform some definite service – if possible a lucrative service, and NOT to go as a visitor to anyone – least of all to you and S. sara.

I should like to see you and Mrs. Bull only after I was embarked on money-earning, if I could. Could I do any small educational service to begin with that would defray board and lodging in a modest way, and yet leave me free to preach my cause? Will you consult Mrs Bull about this, and will you take my request very very seriously and try to arrange something of the sort – when you are settling the question of my movements with the King? Of course we don't know what my fate may be in London and England – but I have more faith in America as a field for money-earning in the ways that I can do best. In a general way I feel volumes of power within me – but when it comes to details, I cannot see how its going to be applied – I see no opening. However that's not my business.

Somehow or other the Mother will let me offer up something to him – won't She?

Isn't that funny? I don't know how you will feel about yourself – or whether you will think I have a right to describe my relationship in these terms – but I came to India with little or no dependence on the personal side of Swami. In that awful time at Almora when I thought he had put me out of his life contemptuously – it still "made no difference" to the essentials. Now – he is the whole thing – for good or for evil – instead of growing less, I have grown infinitely more personal in my love. I am not sure but his least whim is world the whole […] - now. When one turns to him in thought the heart grows free. Blessed be God for making it possible to love like this.

He is not well today. I fear he has pain -but I trust it is for no serious cause. He has scarcely smoked at all since Madras, and he knocks off iced water quite suddenly. These things may account for it.

Life does not seem so simple to night as it did that monsoon night when I kept waking up and thinking "I won't leave the ship without Swami. I'll go down too" ad then falling off to sleep again -

Did I tell you about it?

Poor Mrs. Jacobs was in such terror all night - and when I once found out my plan of action I was as peaceful as a flower.

"Have you ever been in a monsoon before?" she exclaimed at least in a half vexed voice. "You don't seem at all frightened." "Well" I said "after all, if the worst comes to the worst it won't be so serious!" But she probably thought this affection – and I forgot for the moment that she had two sons with her and a husband in Calcutta.

Dear Yum I have no business to bother you like this.

My love to the Babelet,
Your Own Margot

http://www.sisternivedita.org