Saturday, 3 February 2018

Letter to Miss J Macleod


यतो धर्म: ततो जय:

Wednesday, July 5th [1899]
2 OR 3 Day From Aden,
Monsoon Slightly Abated

My dearest Yum,

This heavenly voyage has been somewhat trying physically ever since we left Colombo, a week ago. The weather has been terrific though nothing I suppose to what it might be, and now if we are very lucky we shall reach Aden on Friday, or at worst probably Saturday. The King is looking magnificent and sleeping well. He has almost stopped smoking and drinking iced water - is deep in the Imperial Gazette - and is of course impatient to be at the next place. The rolling and pitching do not seem to cause him the least sufferings, but rather to do him good. He said to me this morning "I threw the load down so completely!"

But in spite of discomfort there have been hours so glorious that one would go through 50 monsoon for them. Sometimes it is Rajputana or an Indian story that starts him off, but oftener now he talks to me of the future and the work. The olf indifference is dropping off, and he lets me feel that something depends on me, that he looks to me for certain powers and so on. But these things I shall tell you when we meet. And always that claim of which I told you in my last letter deepens and extends - "I am Kali's child in some special sense" - and i never try to tell him what I hold to be the truth - what I see now like daylight -"Not child at all - but Siva - Consort and Spouse!"

One sweet thing I am sure I may write - The trust-deep has not been signed - at the last it was a question of doing it on our way to the ship. This worried him, and he would not, and yesterday he told me that he had taken it as the protection of the Mother, as if she would say. "The men are not yet here to whom all this must be handed over. You must keep the responsibility yet a little while." Oh how he wants great strong men for disciples!" Give me men! Give me men!" he has said over and over again. "You know I have never wanted money or power or anything but persons. Them I must have."

I have a new feeling about Kali. It came to me that last day in Calcutta, as I sat with the King beside a Kali image that I had just refused to bring away.

I looked at the intoxicated eyes of the prostate God, and I saw how they did indeed meet Hers, as Sadananda had said - and then I saw how She was Siva's Vision of the Mother. Only Siva would have courage to see the Divine in such a guise, only Siva could look with that rapture, though Her feet are, trampling on Himself. Do you see how clear this makes it all?

To be continued




 
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हमें कर्म की प्रतिष्ठा बढ़ानी होंगी। कर्म देवो भव: यह आज हमारा जीवन-सूत्र बनना चाहिए। - भगिनी निवेदिता {पथ और पाथेय : पृ. क्र.१९ }
Sister Nivedita 150th Birth Anniversary : http://www.sisternivedita.org
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